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Getting Back To You On Valentine's Day

As seen at BlackDoctor.Org

’Tis the season for love and lots of it! Everywhere we turn there are displays of heart shaped balloons and candy packaging as people begin to prep for Valentine’s Day. Stereotypical images of love are forced down our throats during the weeks leading up to this very “special” day. A lot of us have been conditioned to believe that Valentine’s Day is this big day reserved for romance between two individuals, but I’m here to remind us that love looks differently for everyone. Single people most of all.

As a single it may be tempting to fall into a pattern of self-pity or “why me?” during the days surrounding Valentine’s Day, as we watch our peers make plans and buy gifts. These are the exact thoughts we want to avoid at all costs, even if it means spending some time away (staycation, which we’ll revisit) or banning ourselves from social media.

The thing is, identifying as single and being alone on Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be a negative, miserable thing. Valentine’s Day actually has the potential to be one of the best days of the year. Yes, even for us perpetually single folk! I’ve personally grown to love it and here’s how you can grow to love Valentine’s Day too.

There are so many things a single person can do to celebrate love on February 14th. No, this doesn’t mean you can call up your “old thang” or find a random Tinder date to avoid being alone. Actually, the point is to be alone. This gives us the opportunity to reconnect with ourselves, to spoil ourselves and to show our minds and bodies some much needed appreciation. After all, if you can’t love yourself, how can someone else love you?

Write yourself a love letter

What are all the things you love about yourself? Write them down. You can also acknowledge all the ways that you’ve treated yourself unfairly and even commit to doing better going forward. Putting these thoughts into writing not only makes us realize how amazing we are, but it holds us accountable for establishing and executing the steps we’ll take to be kinder and more loving to ourselves.

Meditation and Yoga

These two are always my go-tos when it comes to self-love, and for a good reason. Both meditation and yoga help us to calm our minds and to alleviate stress. In 45’s America, if that ain't self love, I don’t know what is.


Because Marie Kondo said so. Okay, the KonMari method isn’t law, but I think it’s safe to say that cleaning our spaces (home, office, car, etc.) and ridding ourselves of extra junk is liberating. It sparks joy!


There’s absolutely nothing wrong with taking some time away. I don’t know about you, but solitude is a concept that’s always been pretty seductive for me. Chill. I’m only saying that secluding yourself for a short period of time can give you the extra spark of creativity, productivity, and personal growth that you’ve been needing. I browse websites like Expedia and Orbitz for local hotels just as much as I browse for flight deals. This is especially helpful for singles who have roommates or live with their family.

Treat yourself! Pamper yourself!

Go on a date with the person you love the most! Get dinner, go see a movie, get a massage, or get your nails and toes done. Sure, sitting in the movie theatre may feel a tad awkward at first, but you’ll thank me later! If any of these things are out of the budget, there are plenty of DIY and at-home approaches you can take. Think bubble baths with the full set up. I’m talkin’ herbs, flower petals, essential oils, candles, and of course, wine! Don’t forget to buy yourself chocolate and flowers because you deserve!

Remember, it’s important not to beat yourself up. Accept where you are in life. Focus on all the good things you have going on and the rest will follow. This season can be hard for some, but it doesn’t have to be if we change the way we look at it.

If you haven't checked out my video on celibacy, watch it here!

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